Do some self-explorationĮxpectations often stem from visions other people have for you. If you’re realizing that some of your expectations veer toward the unrealistic side of the spectrum, these pointers can help you reframe them. You might begin to lose faith in your loved ones, even when they did nothing to betray your trust. If you feel like you’ll never be able to accomplish what you want for yourself, eventually you might stop trying.Įxpecting more from others than they can realistically provide can: Continually failing to meet your own expectations can prompt guilt and shame in the shape of unhelpful beliefs, like “I’m not good enough” or “I just don’t have what it takes.” Failing to meet an expectation - winning the lottery, falling instantly in love with the person of your dreams - can set you up for frustration, self-judgment, and potentially even depression.ĭisappointment is a natural part of life, but when you consistently expect too much of yourself, you set yourself up for burnout. With less realistic expectations, you might expend plenty of effort without seeing any progress.
You prioritize finding ways to discuss these (realistic) expectations with your partner, which strengthens your partnership. Maybe you need certain things from your relationship, like increased intimacy or more spontaneous romance. After all, disagreeing means you’re comfortable enough with each other to express your opinions and frustrations.Ī more realistic expectation might focus on practicing good conflict resolution to address any major disagreements.Įxpectations can certainly have some benefits. The good thing about conflict is that it’s an absolutely normal - even healthy - part of relationships. If you have a few opposing viewpoints, spending a lot of time together can make these differences stand out even more clearly. You and your partner are two unique people, so you won’t always agree.
In relationshipsĪt the start of a new relationship, you might find yourself thinking “I’ve never felt this way before - I don’t see how we’d ever fight.” But it happens, even in the strongest, healthiest relationships. Maybe you’re that rare person who likes everyone you meet, but this tends to be more of an exception than a rule. In life, you’ll meet plenty of people who have vastly different personalities. So, someone could respect your kindness without actually liking you. Kindness goes a long way, and it’s safe to assume most people will have more positive regard for a kind person than an unkind one.īut plenty of factors also affect the way people feel about others, including: Some people hold the belief that as long as they’re kind, people will like them. While effort can sometimes influence others, you ultimately can’t control anyone else’s choices or needs. But it just doesn’t always work out that way. Without this expectation, you might feel less motivated to try. Most people want to believe that effort pays off, and that’s understandable. When your annual review comes up, you get plenty of positive feedback but only a small salary bump. You give 100 percent, volunteering to help coworkers and speaking up with new ideas.Īnd yet, someone with more seniority gets that promotion. Maybe when you show up at work, you really show up. It’s a common belief that throwing yourself into something will yield positive results. Other expectations, like the ones below, might be slightly less grounded in reality. For example, this would be a perfectly realistic expectation: “With good communication, my partner and I can work out most minor relationship conflicts.” Some of your hopes might reflect things you can absolutely achieve. When do hope and optimism become unrealistic expectations? There’s no cut-and-dried answer, but looking at some common examples can offer some insight.īut first, let’s clarify what expectations are: They’re things you want to achieve or believe life will grant you.
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